Catching stars.

 

    One of the many hard factors to overcome in pursuing a career as a ballet dancer is gathering all of the extensive hours of practice, and being able to portray all of that condensed wealth of knowledge into one fleeting moment. A moment in which you can’t modify or have a second chance at; that you simply have to grasp through your whole physical and emotional body and make the moment entirely yours. 

Two of my greatest achievements, which seem unrelated, but in fact came hand-in-hand, occurred in the past year. The stages leading up to those successes held each other, as they together lead me to what felt like a sort of freedom. A freedom by which can only be described as gathering everything that I had in my heart and mind, and putting it into my forefront to share, for the people around me to enjoy. 

I had the chance, through my bachelors degree, to gather all of my own personal revelations and lessons I had acquired throughout my 10 year career, put them into carefully considered words, and revel in the surprising outcome. At the same time, get closer to becoming the dancer I had always dreamt of becoming. 

I believe it’s highly important to not just celebrate these achievements but to carefully take the time to overlook the thought processes and actions that lead to them, and for the readers of this post to understand how much it took. 

I don’t doubt that life is full of ups and downs and I don’t dispute that during these victory’s so many other factors in my life got affected: hundreds spent on medical bills to maintain my suffering body, relationships jeopardised, I isolated myself with my strong emotions that were fully focused on this development without leaving any space for much else, designing my life where every factor of it aligned with that acute growth… to name a few things. Do I regret the path I took? - no. Would I want to repeat it again? - also no. 

Like everything in life, this was just another lesson, and I don’t believe in repeating ways, I only believe in reflecting and taking what is necessary to the next situation. 

I want to share and celebrate the “First” I was awarded in the Bachelor of the Arts from Middlesex University, and the dance award in my adopted home country: Estonia. These things meant the world to me and always will do. I hold them deep inside my heart as a reminder to what I gained and what I lost, also how far I’m willing to go in this practice, and how sorry I am for the things that got disregarded along the way.