What is my purpose as an artist?

It’s fair to say everyone wants to leave this planet knowing that they made a small difference to someone or something. This transcends down to my life as an artist. 

At the beginning of my journey it was all about “take”:  how hungry I was to take opportunities, develop myself, take advice and take all the rewards. Taking was the directive of my career in practice. I realized as I progressed, that wasn’t sustainable, by taking so much I was not able to work out what I uniquely had to offer and by only taking, that would quite often lead to me copying and comparing. I would get easily disappointed when things wouldn’t work out, which I now realize was my own doing. I wouldn’t know what I had to offer and therefore the people around me wouldn’t know exactly what it was that they could get from me. 

This lately has shifted. I’m driven by giving. I attempt to give myself as I truly am, with no embellishments. It comes with a sense of inner peace and self assurance. I still catch myself with small inner demons popping up, habits of the brain, but my purpose as an artist has become elevated. 

Every day I start my morning with meditation, strengthening my brain, so that I can go to ballet class focused on task. My approach to class is that it’s a therapy where I can cherish my body and be in tune with my inner rhythms. I try to apply a sense of ease and understanding whilst deepening the connection between my mind and body. The result being that my soul can be free. This may seem a bit extreme, but I’ve absolutely had to take this approach as it's taken me a while to accept ballet is not a fight where I have to exert myself physically and emotionally to improve. It's not a sport that is task and goal based. It's a living, evolving art form that allows me to tap into my deepest vulnerabilities and sensitivities. Ballet has taught me unconditional love because it has taught me to love and accept myself. 

Service is one of the most meaningful things you can do for yourself. Ballet is my service. It gives me the respect to myself and my colleagues that I can stand with them, in front of an audience and transcend feelings and emotions by giving people the best "me" because my audience deserves that. 

This all may seem a bit intense for some people. Recently I've been naturally drawn to many self healing books, podcasts, movies and workshops. I had a trauma through ballet which caused me to dance in pain, emotionally and physically for a couple of years and I was desperate to heal myself. What I worked out was a lot of these self help gurus and therapists, whether that be Wayne Dyer, Peter Sage, Jordan Peterson, or Bessel Van der Kolk were all saying the same thing, that it's quite frankly up to you to be open to discovering your main purpose, once you've discovered it everything and everyone will work for you, rather than against you. Life will become easier and your priorities will align in a way that serves you. 

I think I mainly recognised all of this when it came to improvising with a contemporary choreographer. It was my first true experience with moving meditation. I allowed myself to recognise where and how I wanted to move, at the same time acknowledging and experiencing the sensations without judgement. I felt most connected to myself. Nothing was right or wrong, and I created my own internal flow without being inhibited by technique, music or anything else from the outside. I was given the privilege of being alone with myself and my thoughts in a world where everything was completely true, which feels like a rarity. 

I am about to complete a liver cleanse week, in which I was guided through different daily intentions to write about in order to effectively heal. This allowed me to be more reflective on my University course and discovering my practice and what it means to me. Looking inwards has lead me onto these notions and meanings and for that, I am eternally grateful. If you are also curious about discovering your meaning please feel free to reach out to me and I may be able to direct you to somewhere I have been, in terms of books and people. All I can say is just be open and listen. Listening inwards and outwards is the best you can do for yourself. 

"When we dance, we wake up, we get down and juicy with ourselves, we have fun and forget all the heavy shit we carry around. In the dance we get real, get free, get over ourselves. Movement kicks ass. When you truly surrender to your own rhythm, you look so cool, so mysterious, so seductive- the way you deep down really want to look but don't trust that you do." - Gabrielle Roth, from the book, Connections: The Threads of Intuitive Wisdom. 

Peace out x