Dance to engage. Dance to communicate. Dance to connect. Dance to heal.

     Last week I was gladly handed the opportunity to teach a workshop at a youth centre. It would be an introduction to ballet for several teenage girls. I was asked on the same working day, which meant I had to run from rehearsals straight to the workshop with no time to prepare. What I encountered was the warmest surprise, with some pleasant realizations to follow.  

    I'd never gone into teaching a group without preparing exactly what I was going to do. I'd felt too nervous to stand in front of my students and carry that responsibility to teach them something with substance. Besides, I didn't trust myself enough to rely on my own saved knowledge, to conduct the exercises and adapt to the situation at hand. But this time it was going to be different, I knew it would be, because I was different. 

     First of all it amazed me how I could walk into a room of fourteen year olds and they'd be able to communicate back to me in fluent English with barely noticeable accents. I challenge you to name me another non-English speaking country in Europe, with such fluent teenagers. One even admitted to thinking and texting in English! A couple were shy to speak, but I assume something normal in any classroom environment. (Estonia, you never cease to impress me!) I decided to ask them what experience they already had with ballet, what they already knew and what were their impressions of it. A couple of them had had lessons as kids, and a lot of them felt it was hard, but also beautiful.  One particular girl told us how she was forced into lessons from 4-8 years old and cried every time. She had come to hate it as her teacher shouted at her and her classmates bullied her. She seemed so free to open up and tell the group her story, that I believe something had already awakened inside of her as she now had the chance to decide to come to this voluntary workshop and face, what seemed to be, her biggest childhood fear. 

    For me, it felt natural to tell them my story, how I ended up dancing in their governmental Theatre, and let them know how truly grateful I was to Estonia for welcoming me, and allowing me to achieve my dream. Which raised a fair question from one girl: "Isn't it better in England?" -Unfortunately for me, my dream of dancing in my home country came to a horrible end after I was assessed out of ballet school, told by my director that I couldn't make it as a ballet dancer and felt, not only like I was pushed out of my school, but also out of any kind of "ballet future" in England. When I think back to those days in school, the things which stick out are hard memories to swallow. The teacher I came to respect the most told me that I was "only chosen for one particular opportunity only because I wouldn't be chosen for anything else." I remember having zero support with transition out of ballet school, let alone dealing with the current rejection and feeling of failure. What I am discovering now, and how I approach my body and ballet itself is something very different to what was taught to me in school. It's fair to say the psychological skills of the teachers and my director to prepare dancers was simply non existent. I am not a special case, so many people are told they wont make it. Nowadays it feels empowering to dance with such appreciation and be the only one, with one other girl, to still be dancing from my first year in the school. However, I don't doubt that this treatment is still going on in ballet schools and companies today and I wonder how many found the courage to dance again?

     On another topic, but relating to my workshop on ballet, I feel compelled to quote Erin Sanchez talking on the podcast Scidance. She spoke about what she personally envisaged for the future of dance training, and career, in terms of psychological skills: "...its about whether or not they grow as human beings, we all have so much to contribute to the world, we may have a sparkling performance career on stage but we might also have other tremendous skills to contribute, and I want to know, and be sure in the future that anyone who is in a dance training environment is empowered, is confident, is mentally strong and mentally supported to be able to achieve whatever they're meant to contribute to the world." It felt hard not to well-up as the words from Sanchez echoed in my ears. They felt so incredibly right and the fact her work has been recognized in various respectable dance establishments meant so much. 

    So now I had an hour with these smart, inquisitive girls with now a much better sense to what I had to offer them. They all thought it was hard, which it is, but hard in what sense? Ballet can be made a whole lot easier if you love it, if you let it connect you with your mind, body and soul in a nurturing way. I stood them all up, made them close their eyes and let them tune into their bodies. I took them on a guided improvisation that I had recently learnt. I didn't comment on them, I just let them be, whilst they moved and channeled through different body parts. After they had gained a little more awareness, I then took them through simple port de bras and foot positions. I believe it was Balanchine who stated something similar to; if you have mastered a plié, a tendu, a pirouette and a jump; you have mastered ballet. Every other step originates from those. So I tried to approach the general feeling and initiation towards each of those four essentials. I tried to focus on the care behind each one, the breath work inside the port de bras, how to approach the movements which will not be damaging to their joints or muscles. 

    To my surprise the girl who claimed to have had a trauma from ballet could not stop dancing at the end. She was pirouetting across the room whilst I let the others try my pointe shoes on. Another claimed that her ballet lessons she took as a child made an impact on how she could advance in badminton and that she was hugely appreciative to ballet. I was simply overjoyed. I can't claim the lesson I gave was perfect, there are a couple of things I would change. For example; doing less on the demi-pointe, but overall I was more than satisfied with the result I got from the girls. 

    I urge all dance teachers and establishments out there to not doubt what impact and power you have over dancers. Ask yourselves do you have the psychological skills to be able to recognize dancers as personal individuals with different needs? Do you put in the work to improve yourself as to not bring your own past experiences onto your students? Do you agree with me when we should all work towards a dance training that is possible to exit the other side without damaging the mental health of our dancers? Everything you do at a high level requires it to be demanding, but does it need to be damaging to ones mental health? 

    When I am in front of a group of people, or an individual who want to learn about ballet I will state the title of this blog because this is what ballet training should focus on, rather than its limitations. Dance to engage, dance to communicate, dance to connect, dance to heal.

    The image used for this blog is by Henri Matisse and is also used on the cover of the book: "The Body Keeps The Score. Mind, Brain and Body in the transformations of Trauma." By Bessel Van Der Kolk. It's a stunning, scientific masterpiece which encapsulates what happens to someone during, and after traumatic events. If you don't believe you've experienced trauma, it's worth a read to understand the people who have. 

Thanks to all who made it through this blog. It took me an entire Sunday afternoon to write!